Gratitude Practice – It’s Easier Than You Think!

Feeling and expressing gratitude as often as possible brings about a plethora of positive changes in all aspects of your life. The great thing is that – like most things in life – gratitude is a skill that can be developed and improved. So how do we cultivate this important skill to maximize its benefits?

First things first. Like anything else you’re trying to develop, gratitude should be practiced regularly. It’s much better to do even a quick, small exercise every day than to focus on feeling thankful for 2 hours but only once a month. Another important thing is to find practices and exercises that work for you. Just like different types of physical exercise work for different people, it’s the same with any other regular practice. Once you find exercises that feel like a good fit, you will do them more frequently. Be creative, experiment, try different things. And once you find your repertoire, mix and match, to keep your practice fresh and exciting.

Here are some of the ways you can develop your gratitude skills:

- Gratitude journal – this is probably the most well-known and most frequently recommended gratitude exercise. And there is a good reason for it. It’s one of the easiest ways to practice gratitude and it generates tremendous benefits. You already know what this one is about – you reflect on your day, week, month, etc., and write down a few people, things, or events you’re especially grateful for. How often should you do it? Daily is usually best, at whatever time works for you – if you do it around the same time every day, it will be easier to develop this practice into a healthy habit. Every morning, before I do anything else, I write down 3 things I’m thankful for; every evening, I write down one more. There are also proponents of weekly rather than daily gratitude journaling. The argument for weekly practice is that daily journaling may feel forced and like a chore. The good news is you’re in charge. You can adapt your practice to your needs and change it as time goes on.

Not sure what to write about? Imagine your life without the people and things you care about, and you will be reminded of the extent of gratitude you feel for them. Still can’t come up with things you’re grateful for? Go back to basics. Think about the things you frequently take for granted and you will realize how thankful you are for your ability to walk, talk, see, and hear; how grateful you are for every single breath you take so effortlessly.

- Gratitude prompts – this is another easy exercise, especially if you have trouble coming up with things for which you’re grateful on your own, or if your practice has stalled. You follow the prompts and fill in the blanks – that’s it! Here are a few examples of the prompts:

o I’m grateful for three things I hear:

o I’m grateful for three things I see:

o I’m grateful for these three people:

o I’m grateful for these three animals:

o I’m grateful for these three objects in my house:

You get the idea. There are many other prompts you can use, some more general and others quite specific, so try to come up with your own!

- Gratitude stone – this may sound funny and silly to you at first, but the idea is really simple and makes sense. You carry a rock or stone in your pocket or handbag (pick a stone or a pebble you really like, one that fits well in your hand, or maybe one that reminds you of someone or something good). Whenever you happen to touch it, think of something you’re grateful for in that moment. You can also keep it on your desk and remember to feel gratitude whenever you happen to glance at the stone. The rock is simply a reminder and will help you sprinkle little moments of gratitude throughout your day.

- Gratitude meditation – if you already are a meditator, you might be familiar with incorporating gratitude into your meditation practice. If you don’t currently meditate, I encourage you to give it a try – a regular practice has innumerable benefits. While the most common modality of meditation is mindfulness-based and involves focusing on your breath or sounds and trying to clear your mind of thoughts, in gratitude meditation you focus on and visualize all the people and things in your life you feel thankful for. Just close your eyes for a few minutes, get centered and present, and one by one bring to mind each person and thing you appreciate in your life. Not only will you feel better afterwards, but you are also less likely to take your loved ones for granted.

- Appreciation practice – speaking of taking people and things for granted. This may sound like a strange way to practice gratitude but hear me out. Imagine losing the people, things, senses, skills, and abilities you currently enjoy and have in your life but frequently take for granted. Then imagine getting each of them back, one by one. You will quickly realize how grateful you would be for every single person, thing, or ability. Hold onto that feeling of gratitude and appreciation. Pro tip – show that appreciation to your loved ones. The joy and love you will see in the eyes of your romantic partner, family member, or close friend when you thank them for all the little ways in which they make your life better will make you feel like a million bucks.

- Remember the bad – this is a bit like the appreciation practice above. This exercise is based on the idea that you will genuinely appreciate the good if you contrast it with the bad. Recall a situation from your life, either a recent event or one from a long time ago, when things weren’t going well. This could be a relatively painful experience (but don’t go for the really painful one as it may be too difficult to process in the moment) or one that was just mildly inconvenient. For example, you can remember a time you were in pain, a time you were cold, or a time you were scared (again, don’t think of the situations that were really challenging or difficult; I would suggest going with moderate experiences). And now think about all the ways in which your life is better and easier now. The contrast between the two will make you feel instantly grateful.

- Gratitude letter and gratitude visit – this is a more involved undertaking and can be a little intimidating, but it’s also incredibly rewarding and absolutely worth the effort. It is also one of the best researched gratitude practices and we have a lot of data showing its impact on our well-being. And the impact is tremendous. Writing a gratitude letter and then making a gratitude visit has been shown to be one of the most effective interventions in positive psychology. Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania and the founding father of the field of positive psychology, tested five different happiness interventions on more than 400 participants (and compared them to a control group). Not only did the gratitude letter/gratitude visit exercise immediately boost the participants’ happiness, but it was also found to be the most effective of the five interventions in increasing the participants’ happiness one month later. However, it’s worth noting that the participants’ wellbeing and happiness dropped to the previous levels about six months later; that’s why some researchers recommend doing this exercise every six months or so.

We know this exercise works and it works really well. So how do we do it? Start out by thinking of a currently living person who has made a big difference in your life or has done something really meaningful for you, but whom you never properly thanked. It may be a good idea to choose a person or an act that you haven’t thought about in a while. Set aside some time (half an hour or so should be enough) and write a letter to that person explaining how meaningful he or she is to you. Describe what this person did, what impact his or her behavior has had on your life and your choices, and why you are grateful to this person. Try to be as specific as possible and try to make the letter at least 300 words (approximately one page).

The next step is delivering the letter to the person you chose. If possible, try to deliver it in person. Just writing the letter offers some benefits but delivering it to the person vastly increases them, and an in-person visit makes the biggest impact. (Caveat: during the pandemic, please arrange to meet in person only if it’s safe to do so and permitted by local rules, and always take all precautions to ensure everyone’s health and safety such as physical distancing and wearing a mask.) If it’s not possible to meet the recipient of your letter in person, arrange to talk to him or her on Zoom, FaceTime or over the phone (video call would be best). Either way, don’t tell the person why you want to meet or talk to him or her. The element of surprise adds to the impact of the gratitude letter/visit. When you meet up, you should read the letter out loud to its addressee. You can start by telling the person how grateful you are to him or her and that you have a letter you would like to read. It’s okay to ask the person to refrain from interrupting until you’ve finished reading the letter. You may also want to observe the person’s reactions (and your own), and discuss your feelings together afterwards, if you’re both open to it. Remember to give the letter to your chosen person when you leave. Have some tissues handy for this visit!

Sounds a bit intimidating? Yes, it can make us self-conscious. But think how touched you would be if you received such a letter and visit. How meaningful would it be to know that you’ve had a long-lasting positive impact on someone’s life? Hopefully, this will motivate you to try it. The gratitude letter and visit will improve your happiness and that of the recipient of your letter, and can really change your and another person’s life. Wouldn’t it be great to make it into a regular practice and express your gratitude to one person after another, after another? Not only will you make other people feel happy and appreciated (a wonderful feeling on its own), but you will also boost your own happiness in the process.

You can find many other ways to feel grateful every day. Practicing mindfulness can be helpful in making you aware of the many opportunities for gratitude throughout each day. For example, when you drink your coffee in the morning in a mindful way, you can feel grateful for its taste, its warmth, and how it helps you feel more awake and prepared for the day ahead. You can also take a minute or two each morning, before you start all your obligations and responsibilities, to look outside your window and feel grateful for the sunshine (or the clouds!), the trees, the birds, or whatever you see when you look out. If you pay attention, there is always bound to be at least one thing you can feel thankful for. You can practice gratitude by noticing and appreciating what others do for you, saying “thank you” and meaning it – this can be as simple as appreciating a helpful cashier in your grocery store, or another driver making space for you to safely merge into their lane. Why not say “thank you” for each of these little acts of kindness. Say it out loud if you can, or silently in your mind.

As you incorporate these practices into your daily life, your gratitude “muscle” will grow with time. You will develop new connections in your brain that will make it easier for you to feel thankful. It will become a good, healthy habit with tremendous present-time and long-term benefits.